Jakarta Casual

On the day Home United travel to Tampines Stadium to battle it out for the SLeague title I can reveal plans for widespread football hooliganism that could bring chaos to public transport and even see houses prices fall. A Singaporean double whammy.

While thousands of Home United fans are expected to make the journey east by bus and MRT hard core Tampines hooligans are planning to give them a hot reception at various points in their journey.

I understand an advance guard of thugs will be milling round Payar Lebar Interchange, possibly disguised as students and nuns, hoping to intercept Home fans changing trains from Bishan Interchange while another firm will be at Bedok Station, provocatively close to butter rivals Geylang United’s Bedok Stadium, waiting for any Home fans that travel via an alternative route.

Yet more Tampines hooligans, sinisterly disguised as commuters and shop workers to fool any attempts to round them up, will be hanging round the Tampines Interchange in case any Home fans travel by bus.

The hooligans hope their extensive plans will prevent any Home fans from actually entering the stadium while quick to point out that they are only planning for travelling fans using public transport. “In Away days they travelled by train, they do the same here lah,’ said one hooligan who didn’t want to be named.

Commuters and home owners in the area have expressed outrage at the possible carnage and have called on the government to do more. Wendy, 24, has an appointment at a salon in Tampines at 7pm, just before kick off but, thanks to Jakarta Casual, she has been able to reschedule. ‘It’s my friend’s wedding so it’s important I look my best,’ she explained before adding that if ‘hooligans wanted to fight the government and the MRT should lay on extra buses and trains so the rest of us ‘won’t be inconvenienced.’

Meanwhile Eugene, a 17 year old student, says the government should give football hooligans jobs ‘so they won’t cause problems in society. A big thumbs up to Jakarta Casual for making us aware of this story.’

Not all of Tampines hooligans agree with the planned trouble. A well known face, who I shall call X in case his teacher is reading this, is worried about the large number of National Servicemen who follow Home United. ‘What if I meet my captain in a fight? Could be embarrassing lah’, while another lad well known in football circles has already said he won’t be coming. He has a cold.

B though is not concerned. B, not his real name, is one of Tampines top boys, a real hard case who once submitted his homework a day late. He says the aim is to make Singapore a hub for football hooligans throughout Asia pointing to the excellent public transportation, large open spaces and world class medical facilities. He then went on to add that he won’t actually be taking part in any disturbances because he needs to prep for an important exam tomorrow at school.

In the meantime, Singapore holds its breath.

# posted by Me @ 3:52 PM